I love you. I want you to know that above everything. You’re my very best friend and understood me better than absolutely anyone else. You understood my fears and my weird little habits. Instead of making fun of me the way we did most people, you supported me. We always had this little secret life inside our dorm room. No one ever knew what really went on in there and what kind of shenanigans we caused in there. Those memories make me happy. Memories with you make me very happy, even the ones that use to piss me off. I want to remember every detail of every memory I have with you forever. I’m terrified they’re going to slip away. Secondly I want you to know that I’m sorry. I don’t know if that really would ever change anything. Everyone says it wouldn’t, but I can’t be quite sure. I’m sorry I wasn’t your roommate again this year. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to stay over those first nights. I’m sorry I didn’t walk you to your classes this semester. I’m sorry I didn’t text you Sunday night. I’m sorry I didn’t see you were hurting. And I really hope you can forgive me for that. Also I am SOOOOO sorry for the way they did your hair and clothes at your funeral. I know that’s probably what you’re the most upset about, and that makes me mad and laugh at the same time. Once again I love you, you’re crazy. I’m just going to miss you a lot. Its been really hard. Everyone says it doesn’t get easier, but I get stronger. I think thats true. Everyday I’m still just as sad as that first moment when I went to your apartment, but I’m learning to handle it better. I don’t want anyone to replace you. I just need my best friend back. I don’t know who I’m suppose to do all the daily things with. We had so many plans for this year and the years to come. Who am I suppose to just buy waters with in the Wright food court so we can get hit on by freshman? Who am I suppose to sit on the stoop with in our really cute clothes and boy watch with? And who am I going to spend that hour getting ready with? Everyday so fall since theres been cold weather I’ve put on outfits I know you’d love. No one has the same style that we did. And no one really understood our scale of hunnies. Who am I suppose to call at five in the morning when I do stupid shit to help me fix all of my mistakes? Who am I going to text when I see Asian Jenny and all the other people we hate? What about when I see hot Will? Or other dimes? I honestly don’t know how to handle it when I go hang out with the boys and I see them hitting on other girls. I just sit there upset knowing you’d be cock blocking the shit out of them, but they wouldn’t even care because you’re gorgeous. That’s the hardest part I think. Everywhere I go I think about what you’d be doing, and how it would be different. Everyone always joked last year that they’ve never seen one of us without the other. I wonder if wherever you are you’re looking down on us saying “god damn it I wish I was there.” This is just weird without you. I just want you here. This message is breaking my heart and making me cry so I’m going to stop now. I’m going to take this to your grave and read it to you whenever I go home. I love you lots and miss you like crazy. Come back to me as a puppy please.